I often wonder about the ways in which people hold themselves accountable. Or rather the ways in which people metric their own accomplishments. I find myself wondering this a lot lately because I am trying to see my life through a broader lens than just performance and productivity. I am looking for something else, something more, because I tend to be particularly hard on myself when it comes to what I view at accomplishing things or how I see success in my day to day activities. When you have a small child, your daily idea of accomplishments changes dramatically. Simple things, even the most basic of human necessities, like feeding yourself and bathing, regularly go out the window sometimes for days when you bring a tiny human into your life and your home. Arguably, this gets much much better with age, and now that my little human is four he can manage to do miraculous things like eat breakfast by himself (if we put the cereal and pre-poured milk out the night before), get himself dressed in the morning, and even occasionally entertainment himself for the better part of an hour with legos or puzzles.
However, when he is in the proximity of me, especially at any time where I am strongly needing (whether it's actual or emotional need...more on that in a moment) to accomplish something whether it be work related or my writing, also tends to be the exact moment he feels the need to paste himself to my thigh. Or repeatedly crawl in my lap. Or walk in my office every five minutes even though I have told him that "Mommy is on a call" fifteen times. These are of course the moment he decides he needs me the very most. And this is also when I end up getting the most frustrated because I am not able to get what I need.