Putting yourself second

If I'm not learning, I am stagnating. I know this. But old habits die hard.

Or so they say.

I tend to lose myself in my partner. In someone else's work rather than focusing on my own. Supporting someone else's dreams is amazing, don't get me wrong. But it is also a good way to avoid your own problems and to keep from doing your own work.

I've got to also chase my dreams. I've got to keep growing, building, doing, and learning.

And that means I need to know how to do some of this on my own.

Doing our own work is hard though. It is some messy shit. But it is also absolutely essential.

For me, this work lately has been a lot to do with my insecurity. I wish I could claim super woman status, but that simply isn't the case. I thought that once I hit a certain birthday I would age out of insecurity and arrive at fully empowered female status. Just like I thought I would age out of acne (although to be fair, an asshole doctor once told me this bullshit).

I still have many years before me, but I know that I'm not going to have things suddenly change. The only thing that is going to keep my own insecurities from holding back or trying to swallow me whole, is myself. Simply put, I need to figure this stuff out alone.

This is because my inner critic is mine and mine alone. If you don't know what I mean when I say "inner critic", it's just because the terminology is new to you. You are in fact very familiar with your inner critic. We all have one. I have to credit Tara Mohr for enlightening me on this.

Think of it this way - Your inner critic is the voice inside your head that jumps immediately to:

"No." OR "You can't." OR "You are not good enough."

It's the voice that second guesses your abilities and heightens your self doubt. It is often the thing that holds you back and makes you overly conscious of what other people might think of you or your actions. If there is one thing you need to know about your inner critic, it is this:

Your inner critic is not you.

Plain and simple. She is something separate than you, and she is fueled by anxiety, the media, ex-partners, overbearing parents, false mentors, and societal expectations.

Remember, your inner critic is not you.

This means, that you can say "Thanks, but no thanks" to the advice and opinions she has to offer. You can choose something else. You can tell yourself:"Yes." AND "I can." AND "I am more than good enough."

This is the work I'm doing right now. You best believe it is a never ending process. But even some of the most respected and powerful women in the world are still working on it.

It's laborious self work, but it can also be a labor of love.  A labor of growth. A labor of self discovery.

After all this it wasn't hard, we wouldn't call it work. No one said it would be easy. But it will most definitely be worth it.

 

this post was absolutely inspired by a poet that speaks so directly to my soul (r.m. drake)